Australian Politics Joke
Some time in the future...
Kevin Rudd dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter. Peter says to him, "Kevin, God was so impressed with your reforms, particularly in the area of work choices, that He has decided to let you spend 24 hours in Heaven and then 24 hours in Hell and offer you the choice of where you'd like to spend eternity." Rudd thinks it's a great idea and Peter ushers him in to Heaven.
In there he is warmly welcomed by John Howard, Peter Costello, Alexander Downer and Malcolm Fraser. Bob Menzies is there to offer Rudd a cup of tea and some tea cake. Rudd joins everybody in the Heavenly lounge room and listens to everybody reminiscing about the good old days. It's all very pleasant but by the end of day, Kevin is restless to see what Hell is like.
Saint Peter escorts Rudd out of Heaven and sends him down to Hell in the celestial elevator.
When the doors open, Rudd steps out onto a majestic golf course. All his old Labor Party friends are there - Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, Peter Beattie, Julia Gillard and Gough Whitlam. The sky is blue and the rolling hills of the golf course are a lush and brilliant green sea of grass. Rudd joins in the game that ultimately ends back at the 19th hole. Here, Rudd is offered a choice of anything he wants to eat or drink. They're all drinking champagne and Chevas Regal and eating lobster. There are naked hostesses to serve his every whim and there is much laughter and merriment. Peter Garrett is even there with Midnight Oil to provide the entertainment. By the end of his day in Hell, Rudd is exhausted from all the excitement but smiling uncontrollably when he gets back up the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter.
Peter asks Rudd, "So what do you think? Where would you prefer to spend eternity: in Heaven, or Hell?"
Rudd thinks for a moment and then says, "Well, Pete, Heaven is certainly very pleasant but it's not, you know, terribly exciting. I'd like to spend eternity in Hell."
"Very well," Saint Peter says. He bids him luck and farewell and sends him back down to Hell.
When the doors of the celestial elevator open, Rudd steps out into a barren, squalid world. There are crowds of people dressed in rags; the wailing and gnashing of teeth is everywhere. All Rudd's old friends are still there, but they all look to be in advanced stages of decrepitness; their faces and bodies suppurating with open, fly-blown sores.
Rudd can't believe his eyes. He rushes up to Beattie and Gillard and sobs, "What happened? Where is all the beautiful scenery; the champagne; the lobster; the mirth and merriment?"
Gillard replies, "We were just trying to buy your vote."
*rimshot*
Kevin Rudd dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter. Peter says to him, "Kevin, God was so impressed with your reforms, particularly in the area of work choices, that He has decided to let you spend 24 hours in Heaven and then 24 hours in Hell and offer you the choice of where you'd like to spend eternity." Rudd thinks it's a great idea and Peter ushers him in to Heaven.
In there he is warmly welcomed by John Howard, Peter Costello, Alexander Downer and Malcolm Fraser. Bob Menzies is there to offer Rudd a cup of tea and some tea cake. Rudd joins everybody in the Heavenly lounge room and listens to everybody reminiscing about the good old days. It's all very pleasant but by the end of day, Kevin is restless to see what Hell is like.
Saint Peter escorts Rudd out of Heaven and sends him down to Hell in the celestial elevator.
When the doors open, Rudd steps out onto a majestic golf course. All his old Labor Party friends are there - Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, Peter Beattie, Julia Gillard and Gough Whitlam. The sky is blue and the rolling hills of the golf course are a lush and brilliant green sea of grass. Rudd joins in the game that ultimately ends back at the 19th hole. Here, Rudd is offered a choice of anything he wants to eat or drink. They're all drinking champagne and Chevas Regal and eating lobster. There are naked hostesses to serve his every whim and there is much laughter and merriment. Peter Garrett is even there with Midnight Oil to provide the entertainment. By the end of his day in Hell, Rudd is exhausted from all the excitement but smiling uncontrollably when he gets back up the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter.
Peter asks Rudd, "So what do you think? Where would you prefer to spend eternity: in Heaven, or Hell?"
Rudd thinks for a moment and then says, "Well, Pete, Heaven is certainly very pleasant but it's not, you know, terribly exciting. I'd like to spend eternity in Hell."
"Very well," Saint Peter says. He bids him luck and farewell and sends him back down to Hell.
When the doors of the celestial elevator open, Rudd steps out into a barren, squalid world. There are crowds of people dressed in rags; the wailing and gnashing of teeth is everywhere. All Rudd's old friends are still there, but they all look to be in advanced stages of decrepitness; their faces and bodies suppurating with open, fly-blown sores.
Rudd can't believe his eyes. He rushes up to Beattie and Gillard and sobs, "What happened? Where is all the beautiful scenery; the champagne; the lobster; the mirth and merriment?"
Gillard replies, "We were just trying to buy your vote."
*rimshot*
Labels: Australian Politics, Humor, Jokes
posted by Mister Pervert at 1:45 PM
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